Can I have sex while I'm pregnant?
Absolutely. With a normal pregnancy, you can keep doing it right up until your waters break. Do check with your doctor or midwife first if you're having any problems with your pregnancy, such as a low lying placenta (placenta praevia) or bleeding, or if you have a history of cervical weakness.
In a normal pregnancy, having sex is not linked with early miscarriage (Harville et al 2006). If anything, if you're feeling sexy and well enough, then it might be a good thing to keep your sex life going through pregnancy. Having sex during pregnancy may be good for your relationship now and after your baby has arrived (Sydow 1999).
Studies have shown that there is no link between having sex during pregnancy and premature birth in a normal, healthy pregnancy (Klebanoff et al 1984; Read and Klebanoff 1993; Sayle et al 2001). In fact, one study found that pregnant women who had regular sex during pregnancy were less likely to give birth prematurely (Read and Klebanoff 1993).
Will sex harm my baby?
You won't hurt your baby by making love, even with your partner on top. The thick mucus plug that seals the cervix helps guard against infection. The amniotic sac and the strong muscles of the uterus also protect your baby. Though your baby may thrash around a bit after orgasm, it's because of your pounding heart, not because he knows what's happening or feels pain.
There are some important circumstances, however, in which you may be advised not to have intercourse (Sydow 1999; Aston 1997 cited by Jackson 2004: 106). These include if you have experienced:
• bleeding
• abdominal pains or cramps
• broken waters
• a history of cervical weakness
• a low lying placenta (placenta praevia), particularly if you have had some bleeding.
• You may also be advised to avoid sex during pregnancy if your partner has genital herpes. If you catch genital herpes for the first time during pregnancy there is a small risk that it could affect your developing baby.
Will it feel as good?
Even better for some women, not as good for others. Increased blood flow to the pelvic area can cause engorgement of the genitals and heighten the sensation. But the same engorgement gives other women an uncomfortable feeling of fullness after intercourse ends. Sometimes, women find sex painful during pregnancy (Sydow 1999).
Also, some women feel abdominal cramps during or after intercourse because orgasm can set off a wave of contractions, which can be particularly noticeable in the third trimester(Sydow 1999) . This can be off-putting but give it a few minutes and the tightening of your uterus will ease; just like they do with Braxton Hicks contractions.
I haven't really been in the mood since I got pregnant. Is this normal?
Yes. The big changes in your body are bound to change your sex life. Some women, finally free from worries about conception and contraception, feel sexier than ever. But others are just too tired or nauseated to make love, especially in the first trimester.
Some women find that their libido is at a high in the second trimester but with any stage of pregnancy there is a wide variety in how women feel and how sexually active couples are(Sydow 1999) . Desire often wanes again in the third trimester as birth, labour and your belly loom large, or you may simply feel unattractive or worried as to whether your partner is satisfied sexually (Sydow 1999).
All these feelings and experiences are normal, but also remember everyone is different and it's just as normal to experience either more or less desire during pregnancy.
Will my partner's sex drive change?
It might. It's not uncommon for men to feel just as sexually attracted to their partner in the first two trimesters but then to feel less interested in sex in the third trimester (Sydow 1999). This doesn't mean necessarily that he doesn't find you attractive anymore.
Your partner's desire may be dampened by fear that sex can hurt the baby (Sydow 1999). Or he may be worried about you and your unborn baby's health, be feeling apprehensive about the burdens of parenthood, or even self-consciousness about making love in the presence of your unborn child.
Is oral sex safe?
Yes, normal oral sex won't harm you or your baby and many consider it a good solution if intercourse is deemed too risky.
Which positions are the most comfortable?
As your pregnancy progresses, you may find that the missionary position (man on top) is not comfortable any more (Sydow 1999). Here are some time-tested positions and tips for making love while you're pregnant:
• Lie sideways. Having your partner on top demands increasingly creative gymnastics as your tummy swells. But lying partly sideways allows your partner to keep most of his weight off your uterus.
• Use the bed as a prop. Your bump isn't an obstacle if you lie on your back at the side or foot of the bed with your knees bent, and your bottom and feet perched at the edge of the mattress. Your partner can either kneel or stand in front of you.
• Lie side-by-side in the spoons position, which allows for only shallow penetration. Deep thrusts can become uncomfortable as the months pass.
• Get on top of your partner. It puts no weight on your abdomen and allows you to control the depth of penetration.
• Enter from a sitting position, which also puts no weight on the uterus. Try sitting on your partner's lap as he sits on a (sturdy) chair.
Have faith - where there's a will, there's a way. With a little experimenting, you and your partner are sure to find a technique that works for you.
